"I hope they ask about me & I hope you tell them you fucked up."
Anonymous said: How are you today? Any better? Any more smiley :)
Aww this is so sweet.. I’m living under the impression that it gets worse before it gets better haha. But I *have* laughed at things today, (probably because I’m going half psychotic), so I think we can agree it’s a start. Thank you :)
I know life isn’t fair. But the unjustness of this situation makes me want to die. It’s agony to know that I’m here unable to breathe without crying… And that he’s fine. It absolutely destroys me to know that even though I never did anything wrong to him, even though I was an EXEMPLARY girlfriend and friend after he broke it off, that *I* have to keep suffering because of the choice *he* made. He knew there was only ONE situation where our bond would be broken irreparably, and he went ahead and did it anyway. I’m never one to wish pain on someone, but I am so hateful that I’m the one who has to go through this alone. If he had been the one who got hurt, I have no doubts that the other things he has going for him would’ve helped him push through. I don’t have that and I don’t know if I can depend on myself to really become whole again. I feel like even if he DID read all these posts, he still wouldn’t understand, and he *still* wouldn’t regret making the decision he did to absolutely MURDER my spirit.
… For once I want him to feel badly. I want him to feel so shitty about what he’s done to me that he can’t BEAR to lead the life he’s made, and that HE finds himself in bed all day, that HE finds that despite the best efforts to distract himself he can’t stop crying, that HE is the one who has to sit up at night BEGGING God to please take his life away and give it to somebody else because he can’t handle it …
Because that’s MY life now, and I don’t deserve this, and I can’t WAIT until school starts in September and I move to a new town, and no longer need to crane my neck to check every black jeep that crosses my path.
God hasn’t let me die. He wouldn’t let me give my life away. I wish this meant that somehow he was planning to erase my memory or something, but since I know this isn’t a movie.. I hope it just means that I’m going to be the one who comes out on top. That in a year I’ll be the happy and successful one and Michael will be the one sitting and regretting losing my friendship more than he regrets anything. Because honestly, he should regret it. I gave him a hell of a year and a half, and I would’ve been the best friend and confidant he needed for the rest of his life. My love for him is eternal. But he made his choice. And now I’m making mine.
Listening to White Horse by Taylor Swift and singing/sobbing - that song is too real right now. Encompasses it all.
i met a boy
i really liked him, but he found someone better.
I’m embarrassed with how OBVIOUS I’ve been on social media about how sad I am. I guess I just wanted HIM to know, but I realize now he doesn’t deserve to know and there’s no reason for me to display my hurt. No more Facebook or twitter statuses for me.
He’s never going to come over here again
We’re never going to sit and watch skins again
We’re never going to cuddle and fall asleep together again
We’re never going to hug again
We’re never going to surprise each other again
We’re never going to eat together again
We’re never going to drive together again
We’re never going to text each other again
We’re never going to talk again
I really didn’t make it hard for this to end well… For you to win. You just needed to not do ONE THING Michael. But you did it anyway.
(( I just wanted to say, I really am sorry to all my followers for only posting the saddest stuff these past two days.. I’m drowning and I don’t know where else to express how I feel so this is the best I can do . I am sorry though :c ))
you didn’t love her.
you just didn’t want to be alone.
or maybe, she was just good for your ego.
or, or maybe she just made you feel better about your miserable life.
but you didn’t love her,
because you don’t destroy people you love."
"You made your choice of what future you wanted and you know that I can’t be a part of that anymore"
"You don’t realize how alone you are until you’re staying up every night thinking about things you should never think of and you can’t tell anybody because you have nobody to tell."
okay seriously if you’re in a relationship or even a friendship and you find yourself spending more time crying out of sadness or arguing with them, leave them. i don’t care if they’re a modern day aphrodite/adonis or a gift bestowed upon you by the gods. toxic people are dangerous and i highly advise cutting them out of your life and finding someone who makes you laugh until you snort your drink out your nose instead.